First of all, let’s all acknowledge just how fantastic it is to be living and breathing and surviving this year of 2016 (slash your entire life). You could have given up when that inconsiderate housemate ate your leftover lasagna. You could have boo-hooed all the way home when your meagre savings couldn’t quite stretch to the good cheese. You could have fallen apart mentally and physically when you slipped on that metaphorical banana while walking the catwalk that is your life. You didn’t. You’re still here.
You may be bruised, downtrodden and downright sexually frustrated but the fact of the matter is that you survived. Pleasure should be rippling through your body as we speak.
“Done-diddly-duhhhn gal!” shouts Flanders from behind you somewhere distant, yet intimately near.
Happy Holidays lover-plum pie-cheeky cheese. I wanna extend the warmest of warm wishes to you and absolutely every human that has ever laid eyes on your supple charm. I think that you are wonderful. Now the only right and real thing to do is to crack open a beer, take off your pants and let your gut bellow out into the fresh, warm air. In the wise words of Nickleback, I like your pants around your feet.
What are your plans for these next couple of weeks? Here in Australia we are blessed/cursed to have summer and this holiday heaven coincide in a huge mix of happiness and anxiety. Heat is the extra, very exciting obstacle that can really rile up a crowd of unsatisfied Christmas party attendees.
Personally, I like to get my full Christmas spirit on by watching all of the Christmas films, singing carols with my nerdy muso friends and eating pie. I love pie! I will be chilling and illing with my averagely insane family and casually terrorising my younger cousins with a fully fledged water machine gun that shoots them even when they’re running away very quickly.
To be real though, my aim is to really let the little things go. To breathe in the moments and let them go simultaneously. My friends and family are superstars and heros without the masks. Oh happy days.
Peaches, all the love in the universe surrounds you. Happy Holidays.
As it is Christmas Eve, here are my recommendations of my absolute favourite holiday films of all time.
*Keep in mind that it is within my skill set to nail that Grinch smile.
- Elf– if you wanna laugh so much with Christmas spirit leaking out the corner of your eyes.
- The Grinch– if you love to see miniature men with tiny noses, squeaking maniacal Christmas tunes.
- The Santa Clause– if you like to see average men like Tim Allen gain weight profusely over night with a hint of ninja elves drinking hot cocoa.
- The Holiday– if you wanna let some romance into your life and provide yourself with bedtime inspiration in the form of Cameron and Jude. Uhhh.
- Love Actually– if you wanna hear charming British accents and watch disastrous romantic decisions unfold to create the perfect mix of misery and happiness that we all love and adore.
Some useful-useless things about our net for you:
A Holiday Conversation Cheat-sheet. Something we all need.
Speaking of parties, getting down and what-not… whose responsibility is it to carry the condom?
A guide to giving back over the holiday period. If 2016 gave you shit, give it daisies in the form of charity work and unrequited love.
How well did you know things this year? Two truths and a lie, the 2016 edition.
John Malkovich models in this photographer’s recreation of iconic portraits.
How to negotiate around the world- a guide.
Nothing says party like this silver, body hugging delight.
Need to get your fine body further around this globe but on a budget tighter than Bey’s body suits? Best budget destinations.
If that doesn’t convince you, what about these things?
Feature image source.